What lies behind our fear?

Fear cloaks itself in many different disguises, and some of them are very difficult to penetrate, such as stress, “respect” or not feeling at one with the world. What’s more, tracking fear down from behind its various masks often requires you to become your own personal Sherlock Holmes. You should never run yourself down because you feel afraid, and start telling yourself that you are a coward or something worse. This is completely counterproductive and pointless. Rather, you need to be positive and proactive: the really interesting thing about fear is that it can provide a path to help you get to the bottom of what lies behind it. Asking yourself questions can help you along this path, questions such as What am I afraid of losing? or What good is fear doing me? When you’re concerned about your health, your loved ones or your belongings, answering these questions is simple: you are striving to protect yourself from pain and loss to ensure your basic survival in areas such as your health, work, house or money. As a curious aside, research carried out at University College, London has demonstrated that when we lose money, areas of our brain related to aggression or frustration are activated. Just think of the last time you couldn’t find your wallet or purse and you’ll immediately see the real-life confirmation of this research!

The problem of fear becomes more serious when its root cause is more subtle and difficult to pin down. Behind our fear of rejection (what will people say?), failure (not living up to your own or others’ expectations) or loss of power or status (position in the company, having a particular make of car), lies the fear of losing a mask or a role. This mask can take many forms, for example: being popular, always appearing to be on top of things, being the personification of success, etc. Moreover, if you dig a bit deeper, you come to realize that this mask is what gives you the security of feeling appreciated by others and is also very often what gives you your own sense of self-worth. And therein lies the trap. For example, when they’ve had a project go down the tubes at work, many people are more affected by their wounded pride than by the strictly work-related consequences. And this is bound up with their self-image and the role which they have assigned themselves.

If you are able to pinpoint what lies behind your fear and whether your fear is actually doing you any good, you’ll have made great strides in any process of personal change; because change is only possible once all the masks have fallen to the ground.

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